When I was a young man, and trying to control my hormonal desires, I once went to confession with a Catholic priest to discuss my shortcomings in the realm of chastity. I told the priest that I didn’t even see the purpose of chastity among single people. When these commandments were created, people got married in their teens and had all the sex they wanted. Now it is common for single people to wait until their mid-twenties, or even into their 30’s.
The priest responded by tapping into his wisdom, gained by hearing thousands of confessions, “Chastity, when single, prepares you for married life.”
I totally disagreed with him, and didn’t even understand what he meant. After all, once you are married, you can have all the sex you want.
I believed this until I got married. Then if found out – as feminists had been telling me for years – that sometimes married women don’t want to have sex. And – surprise, surprise – sometimes married men don’t want to have sex when their wives do!
Sex isn’t sex
After being married I also discovered that sex wasn’t sex. There was a radical difference between different kinds of sex: sex within a loving marriage, sex with strangers, illicit sex, pornographic sex, sex within a loveless marriage, and so on.
So what does this all have to do with the break-up of the marriage between Anthony Weiner and Hanna Abedin? Everything.
What women don’t tell men – and men must read between the lines – is that they often demand chastity of men. Weiner complained to his virtual girlfriend that he only had sex with Abedin once in the last two months. Besides their marital problems, Abedin was on the road with Hillary more than she was home. What did she want Weiner to do with his apparent strong sexual drive? You guess it…..chastity.
Like Weiner probably did with Abedin, most men demand the same thing of their wives………chastity.
The worst sin
One of the worst sins a man can commit, according to many modern women, is the sin against chastity…….that is, cheating on them. They often argue, as I’m sure Abedin did, “I control my sexual desires, why can’t you?”
These women neurotically deny the difference in the biology of men and women. Men often have a stronger and more aggressive sexual drive than women, as do males in the animal kingdom. The sperm yearns to get out. Women – who risk having a baby – are usually more thoughtful with their sexual desires.
Also, Weiner found out in his marriage that — even if Abedin gave him all the sex he desired — marital sex was different than illicit sex. Marital sex might be more loving, and even more sensual and satisfying, but it wasn’t nearly as exotic, trilling, or dangerous as illicit sex with strangers. Even if his extramarital sex was only virtual sex, it was more thrilling to Carlos Danger than loving and committed sex with his wife.
Thrills in the park
Years ago, George Michael, at the height of his fame, was arrested for sexually soliciting a male undercover cop in a park. He later said, after coming out about his homosexuality, that having sex with a stranger in a dark park was the most exhilarating experience of his life. And this is a guy who, in live concerts, sang his heart out to tens of thousands of adoring fans, while making millions of dollars.
Is it any wonder that some people risk everything to give into their most secret addictions?
Masturbation – and most illicit sex is masturbatory to some degree, in that it is dreamlike and an illusion – allows a person, in his fantasies, to have any kind of sex imaginable with any woman in the world. Marital sex restrains the man to have sex — in reality — with only one person and have the only kind of sex that the partner enjoys as well. Otherwise the feminist inquisition will jump on the man.
The party is over
Let’s look at the workplace. After the Anita Hill/Clarence Thomas Senate hearings, in the 1970’s, all the romantic fun went out of the workplace. Flirting, sexual innuendos, compliments, and dating with subordinates were suddenly prohibited. A person could be fired or the company sued. All a woman has to prove in a court of law that in the workplace “I experienced a hostile atmosphere,” “I felt uncomfortable,” or “I felt threatened.” And businesses don’t want their workers even to enter into a grey zone, where there could be a possibility of a suit.
So what do modern women demand of men at the workplace? You guessed it…….chastity. Modern workplaces today seem more like monastaries than the workplaces of yesteryear.
There is no free lunch
Let’s discuss the costs of the sins against chastity. Tiger Woods lost over $100 million in his divorce, and lost his career with all his endorsements as well. He seemed to have been a devoted father — partly because he had a devoted father – and now he has to be a weekend dad, not having the joys of living with his children on a day-to-day basis.
Woods once complained, “Marriage wasn’t all that it is made out to be.” He was discovering that marriage could be sexually boring and not nearly as exciting as having a woman in every town.
But I did some mathematics. I estimated how many times he had an illicit sexual experience with a beautiful and sensual woman, while being married, and how much each tryst cost him. I figured that his sins against chastity cost him around $300,000 a shot. Perhaps it made more sense to stick with his boring wife.
Similar high costs of the sins against chastity seems to hold true with the following famous people: Bill Clinton, Arnold Swartzenegger, Mike Tyson, Desi Arnez, Michael Jordan, Michael Jackson, Jimmy Swaggart, Bill Cosby, and Ted Kennedy.
Biting the apple
It seems that the mythology of the Garden of Eden is false on the outside – not historically correct – but true on the inside. Man, when he has it all, often chooses to eat the apple. He takes paradise and turns it into a parking lot.
Perhaps the priest was right. Perhaps it is more profitable to guide our sexual passions with reason.
Great article! Stories like this make the world a better place. Thank you for sharing.
I truly adore this article! I can identify with this. I have dependably been appealing to God for my future spouse .Now I am joyfully hitched to a brilliant, cherishing and minding husband. What’s more, from my own perspective I concur with priest since it truly prepared me for marriage and not only that, additionally helped me in getting married to a Good man.
Tx for your comment. It is fascinating to think that in the search for true love (one that lasts) often people put the cart in front of the horse! They sleep together, get involved in an intimate and complicated relationship, go on for a few years, and then they realize there’s no potential for a lasting relationship. Finally, often a painful and bitter split. One more scar on the heart.
The reality is that with a chaste relationship, it doesn’t take too long to discern whether you can have a lasting relationship or not. You can discuss many areas of life, especially religion, life plans, and vocations, without the distraction of being totally emotionally and physically involved. St. Paul once said that intercourse was a marital act. If this is true, than a break up after a long term sexual relationship isn’t much different than a divorce.
And often years are wasted in a relationship that was destined to end in disaster. Precious years are lost that could have been spent in searching for authentic love.
One other thought. Often women think if they don’t sleep with a guy, they loose him. And often they are right. But, as an antithesis, if a guy doesn’t find a woman interesting enough without sleeping with her, the chances of a permanent relationship is nil. Sexual energy periodically disappears, and then there has to be something more to a relationship.
Tx again for your comment,